Depending on where we go it happens every time my wife and I leave the house with our son, Braden. They’re out there ready to pass judgment on our parenting skills. They’re waiting. Mr. and Mrs. Public, who have no idea what it’s like to raise a child with autism, are waiting to see how we react when my son throws a fit in the clothing store, the park, bank, grocery store, everywhere. We have learned to be careful but we still aren’t comfortable with it.

If we are too harsh we get the “I can’t believe that parent just did that” look. If we are too lenient we get the “I can’t believe the parent doesn’t do more” look. If Braden is having a meltdown in the middle of JC Penney’s we get

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The past few days Braden, our son, has been lethargic and not wanting to eat much for breakfast. This morning he wanted me to rub his tummy. He wanted no breakfast and he wanted to rock in the rocking chair with me. Most mornings he eats breakfast and then he's too excited about the bus to sit down. But days like today is when it would be very helpful if he could talk to us and tell us how he's feeling. At this point, 7 years old, Braden can't answer questions like these:
"What did you do at school today?"
"Tell me how you're feeling?"
"Who did you see today?"
"What was your favorite activity that you did today?"
He can't tell us he's afraid or sick or sad or angry. We have to read his expressions and interpret his body language to figure these things out. He can't tell us when he's excited either, but it's obvious by his body language and the sounds he makes.

OK, lastly here's a video of Braden (and me) we shot a few months ago acting as my alarm clock.

According to the teacher's notes we receive, Braden has been doing well this week in school. Now the question to ask is; What does 'well' mean? It means that he has been participating in the classroom without many behavior outbursts. It means he's been following directions and listening. I wish 'well' meant that he's been learning and absorbing the academics and getting better and better as far as socialization is concerned. Maybe those things have been happening, but I don't know for sure. Only Braden knows that and he's not telling anybody.

We've begun to think about sending our son to a Christian School next year. Why? Because our house serves the Lord and the schools don't. We believe that learning about God is more important than anything else. Public schools think the opposite, more or less. We'll see where this thought goes as we look into it further and discuss it with other parents and the school itself.

That question is on my mind. It's on my mind because I've been speaking with other parents lately. Parents who do things for their kids that we don't. As parents of a child with a disability how much should we do in order to get our children help? In order to get them 'normal'? And in my mind I answer that question with other questions. Are we bad parents if we don't take out a second mortgage on the house, and go into debt, so we can afford all these therapies? Should we travel to the other side of the globe to seek that special treatment that's supposed to make our child 'normal'? Should we medicate? That costs money. Heck, everything costs money! Should we pay for private therapies? What's enough? Should we be trying every therapy under the sun? Hyperbaric Oxygen? Chelation? Should we put him in a bubble to protect him from all the toxins in the world?

I have no answers for these questions, only more questions. And I don't know about you, but when I need answers I read the Bible and I pray. I may have to wait a long time for my answers too. And I'll happily wait as long as it takes. After all, the Lord is faithful and he continues to wait for me. Autism isn't always easy, and waiting isn't always easy. We can't control what happens to us, but we can control how we'll react. I choose to handle autism and waiting with a joyous heart.